What is your happiness?

from Ali Edwards

sun

warmth

camera working

cats wanting foot rubs

my organic box

Mooskines in Edinburgh

more naked cycling controversy

humm aparently the organisers tried to institute a photography policy which seems to have caused a hoo ha.

London trip

Highlights include

My lomo working! Lots and lots of photos taken.

Walking through Camden and seeing a narrow boat going through the lock with a urban duck swimming beside a floating beer can.

Meeting two Edinburgh friends at Verde in Spitalfields Jeanette Winterson's shop/cafe.

Walking and walking. Because of this I saw so much more than if I'd hit the tube or busses. I walked to Leighton House and on the way passed through Green Park. The seemed to be somekind of crazed Ruritanian ritual going on. Cavalry and braid and prancing horses. When I went up closer they started firing a salute. All the tourists began coverging around the taped off area. It turned out to be a 21 gun salute for Prince Philip. Then there was a marching band. Later my friend S (her 40th birthday being the reason for my visit) was told as a child that God Save the Queen was being played on the radio on her birthday - just for her!

I met my friend B at Leighton House which is magnificent. The 'Turkish' room is amazing and the photos I've seen just don't do it justice. We sat in the garden for about an hour (its free the garden) with a squirrel at our feet.

On the bus back into town I looked over at Hyde Park Corner and thought 'those people don't have very many clothes on'. Then I said to B 'Good grief they're naked!' The entire bus population's heads swiviled to the left as indeed a stream of naked people on bicycles sailed past. It appears to be the World Naked Bike Ride ab annual protest against oil.

In London town...

the wonderful 'funny man' fixed my lomo for £9.40! and the same day. I'll post his contact details when I get back to Edinburgh. I have so missed my camera. I'll even see about uploading again when I get back home. But think I need to find something better than Picassa. Any suggestions?

London is AWFLY hot... walked through Camden today and watched a narrow boat go through a lock with a rather browbeaten duck swimming among the beer cans. Lunch at Verde in Spittalfields (Jeanette Winterson's shop/cafe) lovely and we got a free choc to try. Got the tube to Libertys and bought soap and suncreen and have resisted fabric so far.

Danny Gregory has a great posting on drawing. I've got to get back to it myself. Its a gorgeous day here and I'm finding it hard to motivate myself. Lying on a beach sounds good or sitting in the garden. But tomorrow I go to London for a friend's birthday party and I must clean clothes, wrap presents and try to get my camera fixed. I've been without a working camera for over three months now. I miss it so much. I love seeing a weird cloud formation, bit of graffiti or other oddity and being able to whip put my lomo. I do hope its fixable. I'm off to take it to the 'funny man' in Abbeyhill.

Ways to jump start your writing

over at 52 Projects

The Mirror Project - its been ages since I visited here. Just been trauling through the lomo uploads.

Dear X

Wow! I can see that you are easily distracted from yourself and need reminding of your core - who you really are.

You need to remember what interests you and what you enjoy. Enjoy not want to do for the kudos. The light on the water - the graffiti on the door - be obscure. Stop trying to gain love and stop trying to gain approval. It doesn't work in the end.

Instead be obscure, talk to yourself, talk to cats, enjoy the abundant luxuries of life. A cozy blanket, a ripe strawberry, a piece of velvet, the smell of roses, the bare earth, the sea. Oh the sea, you can never be there too much.

Enjoy your body. Love it - don't get to caught up in changing it - change your mind first and then your spirit and it will follow.

Dream about love and give love. Dare to dream love dare to think you have love to give. You do have lots of love and are loved - the more you send it out the more it will return.

Be open do not close yourself off being afraid of being hurt. The price paid for being safe is too high. You will never feel and if you never feel you will never feel love.

Embrace the eccentricity of life and embrace the multitudes that dwell within and without yourself.

Be gentle with yourself and take more care of you.

You are precious and the more you treat yourself as precious the more people will see you and treat you in the same way.

love

love

love

M

Real Cats Don't Eat Quiche

No really - I ran out of cat food yesterday and left some quiche (bacon & corgette) out for them before going to work. It was still there when I got back. Yes I am a hideous person.

Poetry Chook

Check out Catherine's NZ blog on poetry amongst other things. I've 'known' Catherine for several years now as we are on an email list together.

grubbing about in the dirt

First weeding of the year... my mother came and cut my rather hairy looking hedge. Everything is so late this year because of the weird spring. I must admit I'm not a natural gardener. I love sitting in gardens and the idea of gardening but I don't actually do much unless under the express direction of my mother the uber-gardener. We took out all the tulip bulbs out of my pots, they will be replanted in the autumn after storage, planted some nasturium plants, removed weeds, attacked the dandelions and watered. It felt great to be creating something from scratch. I was delighted to see that despite my appalling neglect my peony seems to have leaves and there are 3 yellow roses on my Woolworths rose (scent as well!). I'm tempted to go out and buy plants this weekend to add to the collection of pots. Its rather the 'triumph of hope over experience' as I've done this before and the dratted things have keeled over on me. I'd instituted a plan of planting lots of blackcurrents and redcurrants previously in order to have the ingredients for Summer Pudding locally grown but none of the plants survived a winter in Leith.

you grow girl is a great resource for gardening

Boys who knit or to Sir with Yarn

Losing my Mind, Coming to my senses

Remain Frugal

!In 1997, I landed the dream job. High-paid advertising copywriter. Big office. Big apartment in New York. Glamorous parties and glamorous backdrop. All feeding the urban sophisticate narrative etc. All good.

The trouble was, even though I was being paid very well, I was still broke by the end of the month. Life in New York is a costly business, and I was determined to experience it fully. I sure as hell wasn’t saving anything.

Like they say, education is expensive. And I ended up paying top dollar.

Because of course, one day the recession hit, the job dried up and I nearly found myself on the street. Had I lived a bit more modestly I would have been able to weather the storm better.

There are a lot of people out there who, like me back in New York, make a lot of money, but spend it just as quickly. The older you get, the less you envy them. Sure, they get to go to the fancy restaurants five days a week, but they pay heavily for the privelege. They can't afford to tell their bosses to go take a hike. They can't afford to not panic, when business slows down for a month or two. The have to keep tapdancing, whether they like it or not.

Part of being creative is learning how to protect your freedom. That includes freedom from avarice."

Wise words from Hugh at GapingVoid

"Each time you participate in crafting you are making a difference," she writes, "whether it's fighting against useless materialism or making items for charity ... it is possible to go beyond banners, email petitions and chants as ways of fighting for a cause you believe in. You could have a knit-in, papier-mache puppets or teach a crafty class for kids."

Great article on Craftism from the Guardian

Film comp

Turner Classic Shorts 2006 - entry form here.

A whole bunch of links on Wendell Berry here if you want to find out more about this poet.

Lost

a pile of papers needed for my work. I've been wandering dimly through the flat back and forth like an anxious cat, upending things trying to find it. At last it's been unearthed...

Off for Artist Date - scrummy lunch at Glass & Thomson and then a wander.

Talent V Practice

interesting discussion in Kottke - personally the practice element I think is way underestimated in 'success'.

I really hate the hierarchy of one form of creativity over another. Usually one is seen is more 'masculine' and therefore worthy and another 'feminine' and therefore unworthy. The most documented examples are from histories of the struggle of women to obtain entry into institutions of art education where women were prevented from studying life drawing and diverted to the applied arts (embroidery and jewelry). Jude Burkhauser's Glasgow Girls covers most of this material. There is a book also on the Edinburgh Girls (artists) but have failed to find it on Amazon - which is a shame as one of them was my great grand mother.

Last week I was urged to call myself a 'documentary maker' and told to 'go and make cakes' if I wasn't prepared to call myself that. And I thought 'Don't diss the cake makers - its harder than you think' and betrays a condescension which I loathe. I found this groovy cake making page... chocolate meringue... checkerboard cake. Wouldn't you like to turn these out?

Also found via 52 projects a weekly quilt project.

Do Buddists watch telly listen to Cream and compose?

Welcoming Ruben

I went around last week to my neighbour's who have just had a baby boy and gave them a baby blanket. It was knitted mostly by my mother but I'd contributed a sprinking of multicoloured squares to the finished piece. The new dad plied me with wine and after a lovely neighbourly chinwag I wobbled off and as I left saw the new mum and Reuben curled up on the sofa with the blanket draped around them. The magic of hand made and unique items part of the 'Economy of Gift' reminded me of the Craft Manifesto.

It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work.
And that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.

Wendell Berry The Real Work

Get Lost

On Friday I wanted to get into the centre of Edinburgh quickly so I walked from my work into Dalkeith and waited at a bus stop where I thought I would have a better and more frequent selection of busses. I hopped onto a 3a which said 'Princes St' on the front, sat down, chatted to the woman beside me and it sailed off in a direction I've never been in. It ambled between houses, swooped up and down beside green fields, schools, housing estates, it passed hamlets, Gorebridge, Newbattle, stables and museums (Lady Victoria Colliery) and zipped passed trees laiden with blossom, and small pink snowstorms of petals in the rising wind and came to a stop in the middle of 'no where' at a terminus. At which point I talked to the bus driver and got off the bus and waited for a 29 which he said would get me to where I wanted to be quicker. I dashed off the bus on South Bridge and made it to my new class with about 30 seconds to spare. At some point during the journey after getting more alarmed at being 'lost' I gave up and instead hoped that this was merely a diversion, a small loop in time which would in its own time take me back to were I was going. On the other hand if you think of it as exactly where I was supposed to be going (on a trip around the countryside I'd never been to before) then I was not lost at all and I was infact going exactly where I should be all along.

I was thinking about this again later after teaching. Being creative is often about being 'lost' without a map because you are creating the map itself. Becoming comfortable with being lost is an art. To stumble about thinking 'I've got no bloody idea where this creative bus is going but I'll stick around for the ride' is where the most interesting and productive creative discoveries are made. Creative journeys made with the creation of premade maps and guides which often follow other people's journey's are with out surprise, (the light on the distant hills as the weather got worse, the black cat sitting on the window sill). Getting lost both metaphorically and literally might just help gettting connected to the creative parts of oneself.

Write like your heart speaks

great post on writing and keeping going by Evelyn Rodrigrez of Crossroads Dispatches.

finally summer?

I sat in Dunbar's close a garden off the High St on Saturday. Enjoying almost balmy weather, tulips and wall flowers and a small black cat chasing insects.

I've decided to make Summer Pudding for a friend's 40th Birthday Celidh.

Danny Gregory on the Artist's Way

"I am not, as a rule, a joiner. Nor am I a believer in much. So please take what I say with a healthy dose of salt. Still, whether you begin this program or another or invent one for yourself, I'm fairly certain that you will find that when you give yourself permission to be creative, your life will change. You will either leave or transform your job. You will open yourself up to new people. You will develop new relationships. You will find that serendipity plays a very active role in your life. You will worry less and appreciate the universe more. You may not lose weight but you'll enjoy food more. Your body may not look better but your taste in clothing will improve. You may not become wealthier but money will matter less. You may not improve your health but each day will matter more."

more from Danny here

Artist's Way Course

I've decided to facilitate a 12 week course based on Julia Cameron's Artist's Way. The introducton/taster session will be on the 12th May at 6pm Buddafield Blackfriars St. Cost £10 - email me on creativevoyage at hotmail if you are interested in attending. AW is a powerful way of creating changes in your life, removing blocks to creativity and generally just having more FUN!

Play Magpie.

If you are in London go to the Embankment NOW and look at the tulips.

Been wandering around Liberty's getting inspiration drinking in colour and design. I tried to have tea as well but arrived too late - next time.

Lying awake in Highgate listening to something that sounded like gunshots. Either a) gang warfare has broken out on Parliament Hill b) they are shooting foxes or c) my hostess muttered darkly about 'ferral neighbours'. Made me appreciate the peace and quiet of Leith.

Going with my friend to see The Squid & The Whale - its a joy to share some thing which is good. Do go and see it (unless your academically minded parents divorced sometime in the 80's in which I would give it a skip).

Muse to Muse continually updated inspiration

Save the Old Town

The Edinburgh Old Town is part of a designated World Heritage Site. Its a curious urban landscape created by building on the tail of a volcano and bound by city walls. Thus creating some of the first 'skyscrapers' as to squeeze in as many people as possible early builders had to build upwards. Some times with disasterous results. Building engineering being ruidmentary one 16 story block topppled over. The results is an urban patch with tiny narrow vennels and closes which have access to back courts and buildings crammed together. In a remarkable society before the building of the New Town in the lat 18th Centuary every class was crammed into the same 'Land' (building) and each 'house' (flat/apartment) would run from the bottom mercantile to nobility in the middle (far enough from the stench of the street but not too far to climb) to the attic rooms where people would lie probably on straw or on rags. Things have improved somewhat in the intervening 200 years, indoors sanitation, a sewer system, electricity but this higgildy piddgily way of living is amongst other things thought of a factor in the creation of the Edinburgh Enlightenment. Now a section of the High street is being threatened with redevelopment into a 200 bedroom hotel and conference centre. We are to get 'piazzas' a completely alien concept to the geography and history of the area (not to mention rather windy I would have thought). This isn't a bloody Italian city... its a cold miserable glakit place with narrow passageways to hide in! A friend of mine lives in the Canongate and is tearing her hair out with her encounters with the planning authories, the local 'authority', at the moment local democracy seems to be completely by passed. If you go to the website there are 3 petitions which if you could sign would make the people fighting this feel a lot less alone.

suffering from bloggy guilt

Actually I've been doing quite a lot. A little action has happened to get a few essential projects moving forward. Meetings for work. A visit to see American Dreamz at cinema. Great fun film though me and my two mates seemed to be the only ones who laughed. Shopping to cook for friends - first time since September! The first rhubarb of the season. River Cottage website has a great seasonal recipies section if your culinary side is getting jaded. Beautiful day here sat outside, journalled and watched the cat do a tree climbing demo. Off to swim.

I've just had a very dull day working my way through errands eg pay bills, buy cat food, referee kitten sibling fight over a pice of ham... more interuptions from people coming to the door to try and make me change my electricity supplier. But dull days are there to make the other kind shine out. So instead I feel good about doing dull things and even better knowing I'm going out for dinner.

Visual Chronicles I've linked before - they're sassy.

Its good to leave the house...

The 'Artistic Garret' is a bad idea that just will not die. Miserable and pained creative people are supposed to lurk in them and come up with the goods. Well funnily enough I've found more inspiration out there in the world. Again last night this lesson was repeated to me. I went to dinner and may have found an idea for a documentary. I had a lovely dinner as well.

I think I've mentioned Crossroads Dispatches before - I'm doing it again as there are always interesting posts on work/money/spirituality/life purpose.

I'm half way through a super Easter Egg which I got half price - the rewards of doing last minute egg shopping.

I had a lovely evening - aided I must add by 3 glasses of fizzy wine. I may be 3 fizzy wine glasses under par generally.

I've realised that I'm a tummy tickling cat slave.

What a glorious day!

Not only is it finally warm enough for tough Scotch lasses to abandon winter tights - I've got one afternoon to hunt for my Easter Egg. Yum!

Screenwriter Course Edinburgh 6th May

Tutor Adrian Mead director/writer - people I know who have been taught by Adrian say he's an excellent tutor - more info here.

unshouldning

Its snuck up on my rather quickly. I got rid of one big 'should' my last job and suddenly I noticed how I'd replaced it with a whole lot of other 'shoulds'. I should get up at x time - I should do a, b, c, d, e, f, g... and before I know it I've failed to do all these things and I feel like a hampster with tiny legs running on a wheel and failing to get anywhere. I'm now trying to become more conscious of my 'shoulds'.

La Beany c'est arrive!

Sitting outside on my bench when the postie came. After opening the letter from the council informing me my neighbours were going to have a velux rooflight put in I spied the small padded envelope - tore it open and settled down to read The Beany. I love it - especially the 75 ways to Draw More list.

4 things blog tag from Michael Nobbs

Four Jobs I’ve Had


1. waitress
2. publishing assistant
3. Artist model
4. Teacher

Four films I can watch over and over again

1. The Garden by Derek Jarman
2. I know where I'm going - Powell & Pressburger
3. Whisky Galore - Alexander MacKendrick
4. On the Mountain - Margaret Tait
Four places I've lived

1. Pietermaritzburg, SA
2. Irene, Gauteng, SA
3. St Andrews Fife Scotland
4. Independent Republic of Leith , Scotland

Four TV programmes I love

1. Ivor the Engine
2. Nip/Tuck
3. Grand Designs aka house porn
4. Food progs aka food porn

Four places I've been on holiday

1. Isle of Mull, Scotland
2. Annecy France
3. Aran Islands/Galway Ireland
4. NY

Four of my Favourite Dishes

1. Summer Pudding
2. Roast Chicken
3. Roast lamb
4. coffee


Four Websites I Visit Daily

1. Hotmail
2. Gawker & Defamer (just checking up on husband to be)
3. Keri Smith
4. 52 Projects

Four Places I’d Rather Be Right Now

1. On the beach
2. In Bed
3. Walking in NY (or any other unknown to me city)
4. In a cinema

Four Bloggers I’m Tagging

1. Hendrix Cat
2. Catherine
3. Mrs Pom
4. Here Be

Four Books I Recommend

1. 84 Charing Cross Road by Helene Hanff
2. Pablo Neruda - POirot
3. Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg
4. Women of the Left Bank by Shari Beinstock

And I’m also adding…

Four Artists that have inspired me

1. Derek Jarman
2. Margaret Tait
3. Ruby Grierson4. Kaytee Horsman

Its no use with all this weird weather I might knit a sweater for my poor tree as well.

This is ridiculous... April and this afternoon the skies darkened hail rained down, the cats ran in and stood on the kitchen table in bewilderment.

playing 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon again

My tiger and spotted striped cat Diego talks to my neighbour Murdo (as Mrs Murdo is now pregnant he is banished outside to smoke) and he used to be in a band Cateran, who tourned the uk with this band.

things that make me happy

My best friend's film being called the 'best black british film' by Black filmmaker magazine.

Spring!

Finally stopping working for the 'fat controller' at the 10th largest employer in the world.

My friend K's daughter R telling me how she and her friends deliberately visit the physics tea room at her uni to see all the nerdy physicists try and discretely whip off their glasses when they go in.

Meeting an acquainance of a friend who is quite elderly and has dedicated her life to putting up plaques and memorials to things she feels ought to be remembered. 'I've got a brass plaque to Fletcher of Saltoun under the dining room table and I can't move it becuase its too heavy.' Somehow the picture of this little old lady trotting to the foundary to commission another plaque cheers me. The passions of people in play is cheering.

A reminder of the importance of being lovely.

How to be a miserable artist/person

Little makes much sense at the moment. That's the way it's supposed to be. None of us came to planet earth in order to reach a complete, satisfactory understanding of any subject or situation. We may all aspire to such an experience - and we may occasionally kid ourselves that we have attained it. Deep down inside, though, we are all confused about something! The eclipse won't help you reach a state of total clarity today, but it will at least shed some light on one important matter.

Jonathan Cainer on life for Virgos

RIP Ian Hamilton Finlay

He died yesterday. I've written before about visiting Little Sparta the living artwork he created at Stonypath outside Edinburgh.

In the 1990's I worked at Chapman - argueably Scotland's leading literary magazine. While I was there we produced a double issue on IHF. This one of the first times that he got recognition from within Scotland. I can remember being deluged by contributions from around the world and of course how we got caught in the cross fire between one of his famous ongoing battles with an adversary from France faxing us libel suit on the day of our Christmas lunch! However alongside the Women's Issue - the double Ian Hamilton Finlay issue is the one I'm most proud to have worked on.

red lines around London?

odd appearances

Great interview with Jeffrey Yamaguchi

about 54 Projects book

We all should have taken it as a warning

when Humphry got booted out of No 10 that the Blairs were a bad lot... the Chief Mouser to the Cabinet has died.

create your own holidays

scolidays

People being creative with their cats

.... stuff on your cat

Muse to Muse

has a great quote about friendship. I hope the link works.

I just spoke to a friend who I've not been able to speak to for a few weeks. A hurried conversation before her battery ran out as she went home late at night on London's underground. It was hurried but I had to speak to her and hear her voice and joke and connect and allude to 'the momobrow' an email or even a bit of mail is not the same as a proper conversation.

Did you know

that there was a British Big Cats Society... only in this country. And no these aren't cats destined to go on Celeb feline fit club... most disappointed to read that sightings in Scotland have declined. What are they doing? Joining book groups? Any self respecting Big Cat should be causing alarm on a wide scale.

The Saint of Bleeker Street

Its a huge achievement - my friend's amateur opera group Edinburgh Grand Opera is celebrating 50 years of existence this year. To mark the occasion they are putting on Carol Menotti's 'The Saint of Bleeker Street' at the Festival Theatre - it opens this week. Its great to see that their impressive achievement is being noted.

Almond Blossom

I searched on this after an email exchange with a friend about the south of France and found this blog.... Meanwhile, Here in France.

extraordinary photos

Al Magus via moleskine

fund your own revolution

An unsigned band has got its fans to invest their savings in their first album. A film company did something similar a few months ago preselling 10,000 DVD's to fans in order to fund their next feature film - but can't remember who they are. I really like examples of people thinking their way out of generally accepted ways of doing things.

Good Grief

unknown 6th Rolling Stone was from Fife and used as model for Ian Rankin's 'Rebus'. Anyone want to write a play about him?

Snow Snow Snow

Woke up to find it snowing this morning. Its still coming down. I had to rush out and get some cat food this morning as we had run out. Now I've got a cat sleeping on bed and snoring another with back turned towards me. Being on the computer is not popular with them.

I'm trying to work up the energy to do some serious housework which is over due. In the meanwhile read this account of visiting NY.

Hey there

Jonathan Ross on the radio, cats curled up in the intray. Piles of books, papers, clothes everywhere. Condensation on the window. Dampish Saturday. Waiting for a telephone consult with my herbalist. At one I'm going to pick up my photos from NY - I'm so excited! Called a friend this morning she's off on maternity leave and spent the whole week in bed with a cold, another friend was rushed to hospital for x-ray. Its been a long long winter and almost everyone I know has been ill. I get a cold, get over it and get another. I'm now on horsepills from the doctor, pray they work soon.

I had a job interview yesterday - which I got - now I have a one day a week job starting in April. The plan is to move towards a multiple job situation in the autumn.

Time for breakfast.

Freighter travel - was pleased to come across this article last night as I was discussing this with a friend. Another good alternative to flights site is Seat 61. I'd been thinking of offsetting my flight to NY and had found a company that does it. But does kind of smack of 'buying your way out of the problem'.

The Cloud Appreciation Society - I was most puzzled to get a membership yesterday and badge! Then I got an email from a friend saying she'd given me membership. It looks great, fun and eccentric. I love looking at skies.

Happy International Women's Day!

I've been off line with a cold/cough. I'm back at work but obviously still tired managed to spill a cup of water over my keyboard this morning. Lots of sopping tissues chucked in the bin.

How to process film using kitchen staples.

Hopefully will have my NY photos processed this weekend.

"There are no wrong notes on the piano, just better choices."
Thelonius Monk

"In Western culture, artists aren't encouraged to be integral to the social, environmental, or spiritual life of the community. They do not train to engage with real-life problems. Instead they learn to be competitive with their products in the marketplace. All our institutions are defined by this market ideology-none have escaped. "Professional recognition" in the form of brisk sales and positive reviews still remains the primary pattern of thought that structures the internal rhythms of art-making. For a long time now, I have been questioning these premises; anyone who has ever read anything I have written will know that my books are meant as a challenge to our reigning paradigms of economic control and domination. They seek to expose the coercive propaganda of capitalism as a form of spiritual and ecological suicide-and they look at the Big Picture, always with a view to recovering from the estrangements of Western civilization. Instead of art-as-commodity, deprived of any useful social role, I believe that art can help us to participate in what geologian Thomas Berry deems the "great work" of our time: moving from a devastating presence on the planet to a more benign presence".

Suzi Gablik

Linda Smith RIP Comic

"I do sympathise with Bush and Blair trying to find WMDs. I'm like that with my scissors. I put them down, then I search all over the house, and I never find them. Of course, I do know that my scissors exist."

10 different things to give up for Lent. I promise to make more effor with the plastic bag thing.

Still jetlagged and tired despite sleeping most of yesterday. Will bore about holiday later. What a threat. Its hailing here in Scotland.

too much to post

dogs in camoflage coats

empire state all silvery by moon

yiddish labour posters in the Ellis island museum

tired feet

Sammys 'Romanian' restaurant

virtuous and vicious circles

An interesting blog post from 37 days

I have to say that I've made a conscious effort to move my focus on what was bringing me down all last year. There is a certain self punishing tendency that we should be able to cope with things and not have them bring us down to just move away out of the circle.

25 lessons about creativity via Jenny Vorvaller.

swallows know its time to head for summer climes when the leaves start to fall - temps must move when the postits fade

slow down now

I Always Get What I Let Myself Need

(this is from Molly Gordon's newsletter go to her website to sign up)

My name is Molly, and I'm recovering from terminal self-sufficiency.

One of my strategies for remaining self-sufficient is to manage my needs, especially my emotional needs. I can go for weeks or even months with a breaking heart and not know it. Believe me, that takes a lot of energy. In fact, I've been living that way for 15 months, and I'm exhausted.

The highlights of my heartbreak are in my blog, but what I want to share here is not the drama but the healing that came about because I finally let my myself feel broken.

I don't know about you, but feeling broken doesn't match my fantasy of success. On top of that, I know I am blessed in so many ways, that I sometimes feel that it would be wrong to feel broken. Between wanting to appear whole and feeling guilty, I fail to notice that feeling broken is not the same as being broken. Grief and fear are not terminal conditions, unless, perhaps, we resist them. "Falling apart" is not the end of the world, it is more likely to be a new beginning.

About six weeks ago some wise colleagues helped me see that I was utterly and completely worn out. As soon as I got it, relief and ease flooded in. When I stop striving to have more energy than I have, to be more evolved than I am, when I stop defining wisdom in terms of my high-flown thinking and listen to my heart, I discover (again) that the cracks I've been trying to hide are the way that Light gets in.

These days I'm taking things simply and easily. I sleep in often; I eat real food, and I'm learning to prepare it before I'm starving. Most of all, I'm not worrying about what I'm not doing right now. It's sort of eerie; the shadow of my preoccupation with "keeping it together" still hovers about me, yet I can no longer pretend that it's necessary. Keep what together? How?

Lately, I've been waking up with a profound sense of well being coupled with immense involuntary gratitude. As one of my wise colleagues said to me, the other half of "Let go" is "Let God."

I get what I am willing to notice that I need. How about you?

Free Range Librarian

excellent post on writing.

Keep on saving the Cameo

Just got an email from the campaign today. Cameo cards have been re-introduced. £25 per year for discounts on all films, free sunday matinees, free previews (I saw Good Night and Good Luck last week). Its an easy way to show your support if you live in Edinburgh.

Lighting Field NY photo blog - just getting warmed up

Getting ready

underwear tick!
hotel tick!
puzzling over maps tick!
notebook (I plan to do lots of writing in NY) tick!

Great website Muse to Muse (via 52 Projects) I do envy the layout.

have I mentioned this recently?

You are beautiful

14th of February Love Yourself Day

Promise to marry yourself and never leave yourself.
Buy yourself flowers.
Buy your own chocolates (perferably truffles from Plasir Du Chocolat)
Do what you wanna do don't wait until you have someone to go with whether to the shops, cinema, theatre, or the Trans Siberian Express (and if you do end up with a partner who doesnt want to go on the Trans Siberian Express and you do for heavens sake GO alone if needs be)
Write a to do list - burn it make instead a list of your deepest desires and keep it close much worse to forget them than renewing the insurance.
Promise yourself to not to agree to social activities you don't want to do. Make inventive excuses if you can't just say no. If you still can't say no investing in an assertiveness training course probably will be more help to you than a box of chocolates anyway.
Adorn yourself with clothes that you love not just made do with.
Have a massage if you've never had one.
Invest in all your relationships, yes phone/email/write your funny cousin, hell send your friends valentines.
Take the day off, leave work early, sit in a cafe with a coffee and watch the world go by.


add your own in comments please

more guerilla gardening reports...

Stop managing problems solve them. Great article from the New Yorker and as I read it realised it can be applied to so many other things.

'The only way to find your true self is by recklessness and freedom' Brenda Ueland

great quote from Keri Smith.

I did leave the house

and was rewarded by seeing a rainbow over Leith.

I had lunch at my favourite cafe, read Saturday newspaper supplments and picked up a present for a friend's baby ( a year late) bought chocolate truffles and chicken to make my favourite meal of roast chicken and potatoes.

Today I walked on the beach, there was mist on the water and hard to see where it ended and the horizon began, I did errands, bought my NY underwear and came home and fell asleep. The truth is I'm very tired, I don't want to do anything on my to do list, tidy, wash up, clean, dozing while listening to Radio 4 is about it for me.

I have enormous difficulty in admitting how I really feel instead I want to layer on what I ought to feel. Ie I had a lazy day yesterday to today I 'should' be raring to go. Accepting how I am right now is very hard. I'm now scrolling through the week thinking of what I need to achieve when for certain deadlines and frankly it makes me feel even worse! Hopefully I'll be able to do all I need to do tomorrow night. Tonight. I'm going to watch Miss Marple and eat left over chicken and talk to cats. I think I'm lacking in noodling time. Swathes of time to just be. I've been rushing and rushing from work to social appointments for months now and its just all catching up with me.

just leave the house

Lets be honest I'm not feeling too good this morning. Someone called and the second before I answered the phone my nose started to bleed. Last night I came home from work and nodded off at 9pm. I'm out of sorts, sluggish and awfully cross. The person who I spoke to on the phone did not improve my mood by suggesting that I should settle for less in my life, take up the job I do at the moment permanently, urgh ! let me stamp my foot right now! stamp stamp!

I am worth more than this. Each time I have in my life investing in myself worth which sounds a bit drippy but by that mean mentally leap up yell 'NO' and positively affirm that I am worth more I deserve more and put limits on what I will not accept things have changed I have got more I have been rewarded. Ironically I do have a better job starting in June one which I'm not only paid much more but get an assistant but no to settle and get a job one loathes but is more pemanent by 6 months is supposed to be superior.

I challenge you to set limits say beyond which you will not put up with. I've put in a mental time limit on my current job. Scheduled in a sabattical between jobs so I can pick up on my life. I've firmly given myself a break from a friend who drags down myself worth on a regualar basis. A friend of mine was doing a part time job where the woman disrespected her by not paying her for all the hours she put in amongst other things she has left it and I'm sure that this will give space for something better to enter in its place.

Now I'm leaving the house I'm going to have a late lunch, journal in a cafe, buy underwear for my upcoming trip (I can't go to NY with out new knickers!) and lose this mood.

Jenny Vorwaller's Creative Cues

Something that I have noticed about other artists I admire is how their creativity seems to take cues from their everyday life. If you are feeling humdrum lately, try enriching your way of living as much as possible by taking risks. Making changes is one of the best ways to be inspired. When you make an effort to do something different, you will be amazed at how these new things cross over into your work and fuels your life in return. Here are just some examples of things that keep my life interesting.

~Write everyday in a journal, blog or to a penpal. Writing keeps me aware of what I believe and what I want to change and recording my thoughts helps me understand who I want to be. I am always so impressed at what I find in my old journals. I see how all of my hopes and fears have changed, what I have conquered. Putting all of my abtract notions into words is the best way that I solve problems. Writing letters to people who have hurt me and then never sending them is a good way for me to learn to forgive. Making lists of projects is a good way to spark excitement. Carry something to write with with you everywhere and see what happens.

~Visit a gallery or museum often. Don’t forget to bring the essentials to allow the most pleasure from your day adventure: camera (no flash), sketchbook, snacks (not around the art), and your time. I try to make a few trips a month to local museums and then in between, find little galleries. You could also do your own searches of different artists online and bookmark your favorites, but it’s just not the same when you see works in real life. There are usually free days and even fun events that help you socialize with like-minded artists.

~Try a new style. If you always wear your hair a certain way, try cutting, coloring, growing out, putting it up or down. If you find a lot of basic black in your wardrobe, go to the thrift store (low financial commitment here) and find a funky frock or something that you think is flattering but that you wouldn’t normally choose. Carry a backpack? Celebrate being a girl and seek out a pretty handbag or tote. Look on ebay for something vintage. If you don’t have any spare change, sell some of that boring or old stuff in your closet and then go for it. Wear flats instead of heels. Or better yet, find some shoes in a different color. The thing to learn here is that it’s just hair, fabric, accessories, play and see how you feel! You are not your appearance, but people react to what they see in it. Do you like what you see? Are you reflecting who you really are? Try it, who knows, you might love it.

~Visit a Flea Market or Antique Mall. When I was first married, we lived near a dozen or so antique malls in florida. I had a favorite that was within walking distance of our house. Even on days where I didn’t find anything, I would always leave dizzy with all of the things I saw. Treasure from other times can be humorous, gaudy, and beautiful. Treasure hunting forces me to be selective, and helps me learn about the crafts and collectibles from different eras. When we go back to visit florida, I still try to fit in a visit to that favorite spot.

~Get a crush on an unknown (to you) artist. Read about them, study them, find out what they did that caused them to produce so many fascinating works. What appeals to you from their life? Maybe you could adopt some of the same things. Minerva Teichert used to set the clock ahead so she could send her five children to bed a little earlier, and she would then paint until midnight after they were tucked in. Julia Cameron writes three pages, longhand and stream-of consciousness, first thing in the morning to overcome obstacles that stops her from becoming her most creative self. Go to the library, pick a book or biography and see what you can find.

~Play with a child. Max and I build blanket forts, make cardboard houses, draw on the sidewalk with chalk, swing at the park, watercolor paint, collage, and cook together. I used to struggle with having to wait until he was asleep or occupied to do my own projects or paintings that he couldn’t be around (paint fumes, scissors, knives you get the picture.) But I am finding out more and more things that I can introduce to him. We have creative fun together.

~Turn off the tv as long as you can. Trust me, you won’t miss it.

~Find or listen to a different genre of music than you normally would. This always gets me motivated to go in a new direction, especially when I play a new playlist while I am painting or sketching. There is a world of sound out there waiting to be serenading your work. Pop onto itunes and see what you can find in the jazz, rap or folk section. Listening to the same old thing can be like having the same thing for dinner every night, which brings me to the next thing.

~Find new recipes to try. My favorite is anything mostly vegetarian and ethnic. I have recently fallen in love with indian dishes. It’s easy as pie to look online for something different, and the library is again a super resource. Or be really brave and make up your own. Start with a stir-fry with your favorite vegetables and noodles and make your own sauce. Grow your own herbs, throw out all the junk food and refined sugar, chemicals and preservatives in your kitchen. Food tastes much better when it’s just food and not all the extras, and you feel better in return. Invinsible health leads to better inspiration!

~Moving, getting outside to play or do yardwork, doing some yoga, going for a walk are ways that increase my creativity. Exercise is a great way of clearing my mind so that creative solutions can flow more freely.

~Rearrange, paint or change the look of a room you live in. This can do a lot if you are as sensitive to your surroundings as I am. Try moving your furniture to different rooms or just spots in a room, see what happens. New colors mean new environments. Sometimes you can find oops! paint for a few bucks at the hardware store and it’s just what you need to feel at home and make your place personal.

From True Nature

(the linking thing on blogger appears not to work so do google for her blog)

let's consider psychologist Carl Jung's words: "People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul." Do you fit that description? Have you ever employed tortured logic to explain to yourself why you're not following your heart's promptings? In the past year, did you take a detour that has led you further and further away from your true home? Are you engaging in evasive measures in order to keep yourself from seeing the open secret about love that's right in front of you? I'm just asking, Virgo, not accusing. Only you know the correct answers.

ouch ! from freewill astrology

doing the easy thing

interesting blog about this at Superhero. I've been struggling to do something which has been very hard. As a friend put it succintly a square peg in a round hole. Time to stop. I've given myself an end date. I'm hoping that by giving myself some 'space' then something better can fill it - something which has flow.

I've had an increase in synchronicity already. Many anxious people told me to go and get travel insurance for my upcoming trip. I had to find a credit card to pay for it and as I was opening up envelopes to find it I found ANOTHER tax refund. Thank you !

I have a tulip eating cat

she prefers the red ones.

Am ill again - third time in a row. I think my body is telling me something about my job and it isn't complimentary.

Off to bed with hotwater bottle, chocolate and Ian Rankin (book).

What to say...

January has been so busy and up and down. One minute I've been in full grieving mode for a creative project that looked dead in the water (actually a whole weekend). I was practiceing putting myself together and reminding myself 'I am not my projects, my projects are not me, I am worthy without them'. Finding out how much Abba compliation CD's help the process - have you heard the lyrics?
What's the name of game?
Does it mean anything?
You can change your mind.
Take a chance on me - thats all I ask.
and of course

I had a dream - a song to sing...
very appropriate to a frustrated creative!

I got myself back on my feet - then got a phonecall from NY saying another film of mine is being shown at the Red Shift Festival. So I've been dashing about trying to get things sent off for that. I got a mysteriously large amount of money credited to my account (turns out to be a tax refund) which I'm squandering on a ticket to NY - I've always wanted to go. If anyone still reads this blog and has stayed in a nice hostel in NY and can let me know the address I'd be very grateful.

Then I got feedback on the application for the dead-in-the-water project. Turns out they thought it too long 'no problem'! and advise us to apply again (which producer and I thought we couldn't) so that's back as a possibility.

Work for money has been crazy... I've got new people to 'look after'.

Hummm what else...wish we could have parades and cards for just keeping going in life. It amazes me what a struggle it is. Not just the dealing with the big stuff derailed projects, but the blocked sink, producing decent food from scratch, exercising.

I took out my camera this morning and took photos of the mist on the park time to breathe be here now. I took photos on the hell commute in as well. Not enough photos of commuters taken.

Also saw many good films recently Jarhead twice - excellent and much better than Sam Mendes other films. I've ordered the book from the library.

Cock & Bull Story - great fun and excrciatingly funny for anyone whose spent time on a film set.

Brokeback Mountain - usually when a film gets rave reviews I go and am highly disappointed this exceeded expectations. Not a note out of place. I'm going again to see if it was as good as I remember it.

I am a bad blogger

in the meantime go here to read about Eskimo Disco my friend H-C's partners band and and vote.

Flow

Fantastic blog post from Jory Desjardins. I'm tempted to copy the whole thing but do hop over there.

'My mother tells me I'm on a writing streak; What's really going on is I'm learning the art of cultivating my connection to flow. I know what times of day I'm most likely to hear the voices. I know that, even if I have a thousand other things to do, if I go to a Starbucks or coffee shop, I can fool my mind into thinking I have all the time in the world. in this unrushed atmosphere the voices feel welcome. I do not look up to the lights at Starbucks and pray for the divine to strike me like a double espresso, but I sip coffee and silently summon it forth. "OK," I say. "I'm just gonna sort of start writing random stuff and you're going to help me connect the dots, dig?" Nine times out of ten I'll hear a voice asking me to repeat what I just said so that it can take in what I've written, and then it corrects me. The voice has great rhythm--it coaches me like my dance teacher did when I was a kid, "Keep your head up! Point your toes. Bop, bop, BOP! Stay on the beat."

After a while the voice gets tired and ducks out. I read what I've written and fix a few typos. I'm bound to read it the next day and curse myself for the typos. But I also marvel at the outcome and wonder, where the hell did this come from? Who really wrote this? '

Arctic Monkeys Wedding

I got caught in a hail shower and then a hail and sun shower. In Africa we called the concurrence of rain and sunshine a monkeys wedding. I therefore call this the Arctic Monkey's Wedding.

Patchwork blog via 52 Projects

oh and heres a link to Naked Ambition a calendar raising money for Bristol Uni's Rowing Club for a friend

Just different

Wow this morning I was experiencing complete frustration. I had earache in the night and still had twinges this morning. As I've had a cough as well and in the autumn was under par for nearly the whole of November I thought it best to cancell my plans for today and stay at home. My plans consisted of moving forward various projects which I want to do to get 2006 on its way. Instead I've been shuffling around the house sending plaitive emails to friends begging for sympathy. Then I checked one of my email accounts and noticed that I've had a ton of emails about my spare room which I'm letting. I then had a few phone calls about the room. So I was able to schedule times for people to come and see it tomorrow. Rather than being a waste of a morning. I've actually been able to do quite a lot just where I am. Sometimes things are different from our plans but I have to remember this doesn't necessarily make it worse just different.

The Artists Way

I think I've posted about this book by Julia Cameron before. Her 12 week course has made innumerable changes to my personal and creative life. I'm currently doing her follow up book 'Walking in the World' with a friend. In the meanwhile there is a group of bloggers doing it online and blogging about their experiences.

doable resolutions

I found a great post online in a blog (which I now can't find) about doable resolutions. This person's take was to commit to something for one lunar calender month. Next one starts 14th January. The result is that you have only committed to 4 weeks at a time. It makes a new change or habit less daunting and therefore you are more likely to stick with it.

It made sense to me - once I've got rid of my current cough I'm going to try and implement more exercise.

the eight irresistable principles of fun - found this a few months ago and lost link so posting quickly!

green lights all the way

Hogmanay Greetings!

I originally was going to have a very quiet New Year's eve with my parents and go to the end of a dinner party held by a friend. In the end when I got to the dinner my host spontaneously proposed going up to Arthur's Seat (a hill in the middle of Edinburgh) to see the Hogmanay fireworks. To my amazement we got a taxi at 11.15pm on New Year's Eve. We got off at the bottom of the hill slithered and slid our way to its middle rib known as Salisbury's Crags. There we had a magnificent view of the city laid out before us. We opened some gin & tonic which we shared to keep out the cold while we waited for the the countdown. It was wonderful. Some of the fireworks were almost over our heads. The others we had a wonderful view including ones being set off over in Fife. Sadly none of my photos will I'm sure do justice. One of our party sang a traditional new year's song (not Auld Lang Syne) and we stumbled off the hill again. I walked home cheerily greeting passers by.

~~~~

My brother and sister in law due to her work ended up going to the wedding of minor European Royalty during the summer. Naturally we wanted them to tell all. The best bit of the wedding they thought looking back on it was the journey to the reception. 'Green lights all the way!'. The next night after being told this story I got a taxi home and it was zipping along the almost deserted streets. Just before I got to my house the taxi driver said 'The lights have been green all the way'! I hadn't noticed but when he said this I felt a burst of joy. YES! This year which I have hoping to be different - will.

Why your camera does not matter

People know cars don't drive themselves, typewriters don't write novels by themselves and that Rembrandt's brushes didn't paint by themselves, so why do some people think cameras drive around and make pictures all by themselves? The most advanced, exotic and expensive car can't even stay in the same lane on the freeway by itself, much less drive you home. No matter how advanced your camera you still need to be responsible for getting it to the right place at the right time and pointing it in the right direction to get the photo you want. Every camera requires you to make manual adjustments now and then as well, regardless of how advanced it is. Never blame a camera for not knowing everything or making a wrong exposure or fuzzy image.

Here's how I came to discover this:

When it comes to the arts, be it music, photography, surfing or anything, there is a mountain to be overcome. What happens is that for the first 20 years or so that you study any art you just know that if you had a better instrument, camera or surfboard that you would be just as good as the pros. You waste a lot of time worrying about your equipment and trying to afford better. After that first 20 years you finally get as good as all the other world-renowned artists, and one day when someone comes up to you asking for advice you have an epiphany where you realize that it's never been the equipment at all.

You finally realize that the right gear you've spent so much time accumulating just makes it easier to get your sound or your look or your moves, but that you could get them, albeit with a little more effort, on the same garbage with which you started. You realize the most important thing for the gear to do is just get out of your way. You then also realize that if you had spent all the time you wasted worrying about acquiring better gear woodshedding, making photos or catching more rides that you would have gotten where you wanted to be much sooner.

I met Phil Collins at a screening in December 2003. It came out that people always recognize his sound when they hear it. Some folks decided to play his drums when he walked away during a session, and guess what? It didn't sound like him. Likewise, on a hired kit (or "rented drum set" as we say in the USA) Phil still sounds like Phil. So do you still think it's his drums that give him his sound?

A fan from Michigan teaches auto racing at a large circuit. The daughter of one of his students wanted to come learn. She flew out and showed up at the track in an rented Chevy Cavalier. She outran the other students, middle aged balding guys with Corvettes and 911s. Why? Simple: she paid attention to the instructor and was smooth and steady and took the right lines, not posing while ham-fisting a lot of horsepower to try to make up for patience and skill. The dudes were really ticked, especially that they were outrun by a GIRL, and a 16 year old one at that.

Sure, if you're a pro driver you're good enough to elicit every ounce of performance from a car and will be limited by its performance, but if you're like most people the car, camera, running shoes or whatever have little to nothing to do with your performance since you are always the defining factor, not the tools.

Catch any virtuoso who's a complete master of their tools away from his or her sponsors and they'll share this with you.

read the full article here via kottke

the inbetween time - wanting striving and failing

Between Christmas and New Year is so w e i r d a space. Its the time that people start making resolutions, change job, get fit, move. I too used to make resolutions often to 'have more fun' in a life raining down with obligations. But its not specific enough and often I'd get to the end of the year and realise I'd had very little 'fun' let alone a big belly laugh on a regular basis.

I was lying in bed last night doing a mental inventory of my friends (prompted by seeing a friend on Wednesday who I was shocked to discover we hadn't seen each other for 6 months). Everybody I know has been walking slowly through the most horendous 'challenges' this year. Relatives dying of cancer, 3 breast cancer scares, degenerative blindness, a sister with breast cancer a brother with Hodgekins lymphoma (both brother and sister to the same friend), infertility, coping with parents growing older... I suddenly realised I had one friend without a major 'challenge' in her life and then remembered her cousin with the inoperable brain tumor!

We all have problems and one of the way we get through them is being a kindly presence with each other. Bearing witness to what we go through. I'm not good at this - when did I ever get the life lesson on how to help someone facing potential blindness? Was that one of the days I missed at school? I can only bring my ordinary human broken patched together wanting striving and failing self.

This year I've decided that my resolution is to be the imperfectly human me I am. Just as I am.

The friend I met (I wrote and erased a list of her 'challenges' it was too long!) said that after a close relative dying of cancer slowly and painfully over many months that her resolution was to stop putting off the things she loved doing but had put aside due to a focus on her work. She drew up plans for riding and skating in the coming year. Energetic outdoor activities she'd given up in her striving in her career.

What a challenge! I realise that I've been so focused on surviving the past two years I'm not entirely sure if I could write a list of things to do that would make me happy. Currently my list contains things I would like NOT to do. This is my second resolution. Remember and rediscover all the things that make me happy and do them and not let them get lost in the business of living.