no good wrong day

Ever had one of these? Saturday I'd had all planned out a series of diverting pleasurable events starting with sleeping in, getting some wool from the charity shop... then it all went wrong. The garden centre I'd planned to buy some tomato plants was closed (permanently) I'm a militant non driving public transport taking pedestrian so buying plants would now be problematic. I went to the funky wool shop only to have my quiet browsing of skeins interrupted by someone I really did not want to talk to. I fled across the park muttering to myself trying to talk myself into enjoying the new spring leaves on the trees, the fresh air, spring blossom etc etc. And the more I tried to look on the bright side of life ta da ta the grumpier and crosser and grouchier I felt. I thought I'd salvage it by going to an independent bookshop. I know the owner slightly and the last time we'd met was at a funeral so I relived that funeral then she said an aquainance of both of ours who had died recently had committed suicide. I hadn't heard. I went home and gave up on trying to have a pleasant day.

Interestingly I only began to feel better on Monday when I met someone told them about the terrible terrible day and she sympathised and said how frustrating and how painful to hear about the suicide. And after the sympathetic and accepting response I began to feel so much better my mood lifted and I went to the beach and walked alongside the surf and felt my equilibrium return.

What is interesting is how often we try to talk ourselves out of our authentic response to life's events. And in pushing them away they persist all the more just turned into a grouchy irritable out of sortsness. Acknowledging the real feelings behind made it possible to leave the irritability and move on.